Resistant to change

It is no longer about a rape, or about those dying a gruesome death

Nor about a terrorist attack, or the limbs going up in the air

The people we are becoming, is like a man in a cave

Ruthless and callous, unforgiving about the need for the next prey

Scream and shout we do, revolt and riot all around

But people suffering everywhere, it’s just become a passing phase

The feeling of disgust, the gut telling us to make a change,

We sit in our comforts, condemning those for the ill fates

We talk about resistance, about the answers we need

The humanity and compassion we talk about, is all just a show, a game

No one to take the first step, to make a concrete change,

It’s all about a momentary thought, from transformation to just refrain

Maybe someday in the future, a civilization there will be

Where life is treasured, the cowards and inhumane caged.  

On the foothills of change

On the foothills of change, afraid to take a step forward

Holding on to the memories, the feelings of warmth and comfort

Laughter and joy that existed is now nowhere to be found

When it becomes all about anger and revenge, it is time to move on

On the foothills of change, afraid to take a step forward

To let go of the moments and the memoirs of happiness around

The dreams of yesterday begin to come tumbling down

Hope there remains, but nothing to hold on

On the foothills of change, we must take a step forward

With hopes of freedom and confidence, of dreams abound

To embrace the chance we are being given, without scowls

Move on from the black hole and march ahead from here on

I am a girl and I don't know what that means anymore...

I am a girl. A girl who has always lived in a metropolis environment, who has had the free reign to gain an education I aspired to have. A girl who has had the fortune to be a born into a fairly accepting and open minded family, where I had certain rules to follow but was allowed to be the person I wanted to be. A girl who has not seen the women of her family clad from head to toe but instead dressed as one felt comfortable, who has kept traditional wear as something associated with functions and festivals. A girl who has grown up in an environment where moderation is key but having a drink isn’t a crime, where the occasional glass of wine or bottle of beer has been favored by most.

I am a girl. A girl who has been allowed to have friends who are boys, who I have grown up playing sports with, who I have extensively used public transport with. A girl who was told very early on that a driver and car isn’t at her disposable and to learn how to use the local train as a daily mode of transport, to use the rickshaws and taxi’s whenever it was needed. A girl who is allowed to stay out late at night just as long as the parents know where I am headed and have given a time I will be back, who is allowed to travel by herself without a person maneuvering her every move.

I am a girl. A girl who has had the opportunity to live in a foreign land all by herself, who has taken care of rent, utilities, groceries and everything else in between. A girl who has grown up knowing that while bad people exist out there, the world is primarily made up of people like you and me. A girl who has always thought that if I keep to myself and be my own person it is my right and another has no business in it. A girl who has been allowed the same privileges her brother has, who has been given the same upbringing and who is allowed to choose a career that she deemed fit for herself.

I am a girl. A girl who is suddenly realizing that all her life she lived in a myth, was lied to and nothing is really as it seems. A girl who is now told that if she wears a sleeveless top or a short skirt she is propositioning herself, asking to be raped or molested or looked at by a random eye. A girl who is learning that just because I go out to the bar, or hold a drink, I am giving permission to all the men present there to have a roving eye because they apparently are unable to hold their testosterone or alcohol. A girl who is now aware that having guys as friends or being in a relationship with someone means that she is an open invitation to all the boys she hangs out with because if you are for one, apparently you are for all.

I am a girl. A girl who now fears opening the newspaper for being told another woman was stabbed to death because someone else’s husband thought his wife was cheating on him. A girl who is getting aware of the reality that if she breaks up with someone the guy might come by and throw acid on her face. A girl who is scared to walk the streets at night for she doesn’t know from where a group of guys may pounce on her and treat her as their treasured prey. A girl who worries writing her thoughts on a social networking site for she doesn’t know who is monitoring it anymore. A girl whose parents now worry when she leaves home and are worried till she is back in her room at night.

I am girl. And apparently that gives you the right to pass lewd remarks, to be crude, to stare, and to maybe even molest me or rape me if you think I am sending such a signal to you.

I am girl and I don’t know what that means anymore… Maybe you do?

Being Yourself

Because sometimes you have to step outside the person you've been, and remember the person you are meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are.

As One Tree Hill comes to an end I decided to revisit some of the quotes and voiceovers it had. For some reason many of them have had a profound impact on me and many still continue to make me realize what my heart wants me to believe. Maybe it is because I was 15 when I first started seeing the series or maybe it is because like to find meanings in words but there is something about the above quote that always gets to me, making me realize that the façade most of us wear every single day, the words we speak, the analyzing we do, the way we behave mean very little in the longer scheme of things. Because what really matters, in my opinion, is the bigger picture, the doing good to others and believing that good will come back to you, in following your heart and convincing your head that it is the way to go, in realizing that no one knows you better than yourself and what the world says is merely their version of what they want to see you as.

Maybe I am an idealist, maybe I am someone who still believes in the happily ever after, maybe I always think there is a silver lining at the end of the dark clouds but the thing I can say for sure is that nothing has given me more happiness and contentment than the days and the moments I am true to myself. The world is out there to convince us we are wrong, that we are not good enough, that we deserve to be miserable because that is what the way of life is and then there are some people who influence us, who give us confidence in our capabilities, who accept our vision and help us surge ahead. Finding the difference between these two types – the world at large and the ones who let us be us – is something only very few of us are fortunate to accomplish in our entire lifetime.

Which brings me to essence of the thought, is it really that hard to be ourselves? Is it really that difficult to accept our deepest darkest desires and work towards it? Are our dreams really that unachievable that instead of putting all our faith and belief into them we dissect them, belittle them? Is it really unacceptable to simply accept yourself? Even the mere fleeting thought of giving reality to our dreams and hopes and beliefs scares us. But how many of us have truly experienced at least one moment in our lives when we are simply our own person, without pretense, lies, confusion, disbelief and every other emotion we experience day in and day out and not felt euphoric and exhilarated in that moment? Then why are we so afraid of feeling that euphoria, that exhilaration, that contentment more often? Why are we not the person we want to be, the person we really are more often?

I have a lot of unanswered questions and it is in these questions I attempt to find a little more of who I truly am, to get the courage to embrace myself and to unapologetic about it. Someday I hope to resonate the quote as the truth of my life. 

Berkeley :)

The cloudy skies, the sun that shines bright,

The misty terrain, the backdrop of it all

Uphill it is, the road to success,

The words of wisdom are nowhere else.

With its many paths and stairs up and down,

The looks of hope and goals focused on.

The world it represents, no barriers in between,

Teachings of predecessors, history beneath

Choices were made, decisions too many,

We are here now, cheering for Berkeley.

The differences that do exist

I always wondered when people spoke of discrimination between the boy and girl child. I safely assumed this a difference existent only in rural lifestyles, conservative households. I took it to be a difference long gone in modern society. But then it got me thinking - is the difference really gone or is the assumption another double standard we find easy to live by?

We have the tendency to look at the bigger picture and ignore the little details. But in the bargain we forget it is these minute details that also help define us and our society. Though on one hand it is true that today the difference between the education given to a child is irrespective of his sex. It is also true that both the boy and girl have equal opportunity to choose their career path. However, if we look closer into the day to day lives we find the disparities that are still existent. 

The boy can come home past midnight but the girl is expected to be in bed by the time the clock strikes twelve. When the boy leaves for university he is sat down by his father and given a lecture on safe sex. But for the girl going to university is a debate based on whether she is allowed to go for that hypothetical dinner date. On one hand the boy is encouraged to share a drink with his parents but on the other the mere mention of alcohol from a girl makes her parents cringe. The boy is told to go for that European road trip for it will help widen his horizons but the girl is required to be back home in vacations unless she chooses a place with relatives in the vicinity.

The list is not an exhaustive one once we begin to take the little things into account. These differences may never end up being deal breakers but they remain to be troubled differences nonetheless. Today we pride ourselves by being the forward thinking modern society but then are we really?

Does life equal existence?

When you look back at your life and can say it is without regrets, have one person who you can count on whether times good or bad, can reflect back on the few friendships you have made that will last a lifetime, have earned the respect of another being and can sleep at night with a heart without malice, you know you are living a life that will be the envy of many, a life worth living.

Life is a strange anomaly, sometimes we take it to be many days of mere existence clubbed together and sometimes we use those few in between moments to make what we call life. Life is both of these and still so much more. You might wonder why I always reflect back on topics dealing with life in most of my blogs, but the truth is I find nothing more intriguing. It is filled with complexities but is still so simple. It can never be explained but it is self-explanatory.

When I think of life I don’t think of the decades, years, months, days, minutes or seconds I have lived, that is not life that is existence. Life is living, not merely existing. If I have to define it I would say it is that period of your existence when you have put the amalgamation of your mind, heart and soul into trying to make the day or the task at hand have an impact on you or on others. It is the time where you have been afraid but taken chances, when you have made relationships without malice and when you have acted without negativity.

Do not get me wrong, people who act with malice or negativity may be living a life too, but for me that counts for very little for that is a life with regret and I don’t believe in such a life. I am not saying don’t make mistakes, don’t falter, I have and I continue to do so but I don’t regret because every step, good or bad, beneficial or harmful, has taught me a lesson, made me the person I am becoming.

You might say I have an idealistic view but I believe it is a realistic one; it just takes a little more patience, perseverance and faith. It is about believing the glass is half full because someday it all does come back. Since millions of years there has remained the distinction of good and bad and it is this distinction that we call karma. So yes, idealistic as it may be, but I believe my goodness will come back to me in its most unexpected ways and the negativity I put out there will reflect somewhere in my life to come.

A life is never complete without people in it. This could be your family, your friends, your partner, your teacher, an acquaintance or even a complete stranger. We all need someone to laugh with us, to console us and to be proud of us. We all need someone to talk to, some more than the others. We all need that one person who has impacted us, who has somehow taught us the difference between good and bad, between black, grey and white.

I know of many people who are proud of their social lives and the many friends they have on social networking sites. But what surprises me most is the number of young people I see complaining about the lack of people to share with despite of so many friends on their lists. A friend is not the number of people you can call to a party, the number of people you have following you on twitter or wishing you a happy birthday on Facebook. It is those people who you can call when you are crying and those you know have only good intentions in their heart for you. It is those people you will tell about your first job and who will be there at your first heartbreak abusing the person alongside you. Any person fitting into this description is a friend for life. And life without such friends is no life at all.

I don’t know how many people respect the person I am, how many people ridicule me. I don’t know how many people out there think of my downfall and how many have at some point played a part in the low points of my life. But each of these persons does not sleep soundly, and each of them are filled with envy because each of these persons are thinking about another and not at bettering who they are, their life. Such is a life with regrets, a life which keeps you awake at night.

I sleep at night with a clean heart because I know that if I fall to the levels of people who harbor ill will, I will forget about me and the people who matter and move on to caring about the downfall of them. I cannot bring myself to do so because I know better than that, I have learnt better than that.

Thus I say all of us exist but only a handful of us live. It is never too late to start living but for that we need to stop being complacent and being content with existing.